just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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