Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
nutella sex= disaster
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Randomize
