Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I did not marry a roomba.
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