I think I just saw someone hide a body.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
