none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
