My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
