we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
