Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
