Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
We're too hungover to prance.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Randomize
