exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
