so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
