I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
