Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
