yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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