I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
