So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I'm passing your future prison.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
