is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
