If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
