I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
