I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
