I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
