The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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