The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
