I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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