plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
