But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
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Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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