You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
