i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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