Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Randomize
