at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
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