remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Randomize
