Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Everyone says I win the strip club
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
