how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Is Oprah even human
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
