Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
