I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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