Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
