Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
