I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
