My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
