he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
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he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
The feeling are messing with the penis
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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