What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
