Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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