I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
