i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
