Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
