the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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