Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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