I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
