Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
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yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
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He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I love you. Go after that dick
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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