I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Randomize
