There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
