i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
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He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
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No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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