i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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