I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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