Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
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did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
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They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
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