Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
