They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
