it's too hot outside to masturbate.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
