I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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