Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize