Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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